The Tetra Master Tournament
by Laer Aerlinn
Summary: A Tetra Master tournament is happening in Treno and Zidane, Vivi, Dagger, Eiko, and Steiner decide to enter. What could go wrong? R&R and find out!
1. Tetra Tournament

Eiko: * singing * [ Selphie's Song ^

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX. Squaresoft does.

Author's Notes: Okay, thanks to The Pink Tonberry for this idea. I hope you enjoy this story since fanfiction.net was down for quite a while. I planned to upload it earlier than this…

Eiko: * singing * [Selphie's Song ^. ~]

Cable car, cable car,

Take us away. 

Take us away, far away.

To the future, we will g-

Steiner: Will you stop that infernal racket!?

Eiko: Why? I'm gonna be a famous singer someday, and you'll be sorry for calling it a racket!

Steiner: * mumbles * I wouldn't count on that.

Dagger: Come on, you two. Can't you get along until we reach Treno?

Steiner: My apologies, Your Highness.

Eiko: Sorry, Dagger.

Zidane: This Tetra Master tournament is the biggest event in all of Gaia. I heard that even that loser Lowell Bridges is entering…

Eiko: Lowell Bridges!? Oh, he's such a cutie pie! I loved him in Moogle Wannabe 2!

Zidane: You actually saw that stupid show?

Eiko: Yeah. Moondon insisted.

Vivi: E-eiko?

Eiko: What is it, Vivi?

Vivi: Do you know how to play Tetra Master?

Eiko: Are you kidding? I'm practically a Tetra Master myself. I always play against Chimomo, Momatose, and Morrison.

Vivi: Uh,… you play against… moogles?

Eiko: * nods *

Vivi: I never knew moogles could play Tetra Master.

Eiko: They do a lovely rendition of "I want to be your Canary" , but they call it "I want to be your Kupo Nut". You really should see it sometime when you're in Madain Sari.

Vivi: * sweatdrop *

Attendant: The cable car has now arrived at South Gate's North Station, Dali and Treno. At this time, we ask you exit the car.

Zidane: Come on. We have to hurry and get registered.

* * * 

* Treno *

Zorn: We must register for the card tournament!

Thorn: Register for the card tournament, must we?

Zorn: Yes, we must!

* start running *

Thorn: * stops * The right way, that is not!

Zorn: I know it is not the right way!

Thorn: Really, do you?

Zorn: I really do!

Thorn: Wonder, I sometimes do.

Zorn: Now is not the time to wonder!

Zorn and Thorn: We must hurry to the card stadium!

* run off *

Boy: * cries * Daddy, I hate clowns! They're scary!

Father: You're right, son. We must rid the town of this vermin. It's time to call… the extinguisher! 

Boy: Yay!!

* follow Zorn and Thorn *

* * * 

Stilzkin: Ah, Treno. The city of nobles… and a great place to make a quick Gil. But this time I'm not here for dealing. I'm here to win that tournament! * walks down the steps by Treno's fountain *

Noblewoman: Dear, isn't that the travelling moogle who sold you those strange drugs, disguised as a "value deal", so he could continue on his journey?

Nobleman: Yes it is. I felt sorry for him. I never suspected a _moogle_ could be a drug dealer…

Noblewoman: I heard he's wanted in Alexandria and Lindblum, too.

* * *

Lani: * looking around in the Treno weapon shop * Don't you have any axes?

Old Woman: No, I'm afraid we don't, but we do have a lovely assortment of daggers.

Lani: I don't want your damn daggers! I want axes!

Old Woman: …

Lani: * sees a poster * Hey, what's this? _"Are you a Tetra Master? If you think you've got what it takes, come to the card stadium, today only, and show your skills. The winner receives a prize of his/her own choosing."_ Hmm. I can just picture myself with a shiny, new ax… Hey you!

Old Woman: Y-yes?

Lani: * sweetly * Where's the card stadium?

* * *

Lowell: Ugh! I can't believe I came to this rat-infested city! My manager told me it would be good for my image if I participate in that tournament, although it _is_ unworthy of my presence…

Four-Armed Man: * bumps into Lowell *

Lowell: * falls on his behind * Ow! Why you scum! How dare you!?

Four-Armed Man: Don't _you_ know who _I _am!? …Huh? I've seen you somewhere before. …Hey, aren't you that Lester Bridges guy from Lindblum?

Lowell: It's _Lowell_!! And don't forget it you insolent fool!

Four-Armed Man: …Sorry. * walks away *

Lowell: Humph. No-good, rotten riff-raff… Now to find that card stadium. ! ! Where's my wallet!?

Four-Armed Man: * behind a statue * Heh heh heh.

* * *

Beatrix: * wearing sunglasses and a big, floppy hat * * walks up steps by inn * I'm so glad the princess allowed me to take some time off today. If _anyone _knew how obsessed I am with that silly card game, they'd laugh in my face, if I didn't point my sword in theirs first… The winner of this tournament will be seen as a master in the eyes of all other players. And _I _shall be that master!

Marco: Hey lady, why're you talkin' to yourself?

Beatrix: * sweatdrop *

* * *

Zidane: So, I told him _I _was the master thief.

Vivi and Eiko: Wow!

Zidane: Yeah, and then-oh, are we back? Ahem. Let's register!

Vivi: * whispers * You already said that.

Zidane: Oh? Oh, yeah. Well, just incase someone forgot _why_ we're here…

* everybody looks at Steiner who is throwing a ten Gil coin in the fountain, and another, and another, and another… *

Steiner: What? It's not my fault. When I look into that Gil-filled fountain, it makes me want to throw more.

Zidane: Rusty, something tells me you'd have a gambling problem…

Dagger: Steiner, I heard Beatrix is going to register.

Steiner: I-is that what she told you!?

Dagger: Well, actually * grins sheepishly * I found a whole bunch of Tetra Master cards on the Red Rose, in Beatrix's cabin. …It's not like I was looking in there on purpose! And she _did_ ask to leave early this morning. Maybe it was so she could reach Treno…

Steiner: No! Not again! Am I destined to always compete against my beloved Bea-bea?

Zidane: Rusty that's getting old. How about thinking up an original nickname for her?

Steiner: Hmm. …How does "Cutie Patootie" sound?

Zidane: Nah. That's a little _too_ original.

Steiner: Umm. …I've got it! Trixie. It's perfect!

Zidane: * whispers * Sounds like a Treno showgirl to me.

Dagger: _Sounds like_ or is?

Zidane: Eh heh heh…

Steiner: * sobs * My beloved Trixie.

Eiko: I think I liked Bea-bea better.

Vivi: M-me too…

Dagger: Let's just find the card stadium.

* * *

* card stadium *

Thorn: * to Card Seller * To register, we want.

Zorn: Yes, as a team.

Card Seller: Uh, I'm afraid that it isn't possible for you to play as a _team_. You will both have to register separately.

Thorn: Play as a team, we must!

Zorn: We can only play together!

Card Seller: Well, I suppose I _could_ bend the rules, just this once. What are your names?

Thorn: Thorn is my name.

Zorn: My name is Zorn.

Card Seller: Don't you ever get tired of talking like that?

Father: * runs toward Zorn and Thorn * Prepare to be extinguished clowns! * has a fire extinguisher in his hands *

Boy: * follows his father * Yay!!

Thorn: Yikes!

Zorn: Ahhh!

* Zorn and Thorn run into the stadium *

Boy: Jeez, Dad. They got away.

Father: We'll just wait until they come out… and then we'll get them. They can't hide forever.

Boy: Yay!!

* * * 

Stilzkin: * to card seller * Hello there. I'd like to register in the tournament.

Card Seller: O-okay. (He's a moogle!)

Stilzkin: But before I do that, can I interest you in a "value deal"? All proceeds go to helping me in continuing my journey.

Card Seller: * sweatdrop *

* * *

Lani: Is this the card stadium?

Card Seller: Yes, it is. Would you like to register in today's tournament?

Lani: Yeah. I need a new ax. * holds up her ax * This one's getting a little dull, don't you think? * ax glints in the sun *

Card Seller: I-it looks sharp enough to me.

Lani: I'm a professional! I think I'd know if it were sharp enough!

Card Seller: I-I'm sorry!

Lani: Humph. * enters stadium *

* * * 

Card Seller: Mr. Lowell! What an honor!

Lowell: Of course it is. _I'm_ going to register in your tournament.

Card Seller: Yes, yes. Oh, this is wonderful! …Do you-do you think I could have your autograph… for my niece!? _She's_ your biggest fan!

Lowell: Sure. Why not?

Card Seller: * hands Lowell autograph book * Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Lowell: * uses a stamp with his name engraved on the bottom * Here.

Card Seller: * sweatdrop * Th-thanks.

* * *

Beatrix: *looks around her. A Mission Impossible-type theme is playing in the background * (Good. I don't see anyone I know.) * approaches Card Seller * * whispers* I'd like to register in the card tournament.

Card Seller: What was that? I couldn't hear you.

Beatrix: * whispers louder * I'd like to register in the card tournament.

Card Seller: I'm sorry. I still can't hear you.

Beatrix: * looks around her * * speaks in a normal tone * I'd like to register in the tournament.

Card Seller: Fine.

Tim: Beatrix-

Beatrix: Oh, no! I've been discovered! * runs into stadium *

Tim: -the superblob is my hero!

* * * 

Zidane: Here it is. Treno's card stadium.

Vivi: Wow, it's huge!

Eiko: No it isn't. It's gigantic!

Steiner: You're both wrong. It's enormous!

Zidane and Dagger: * sweatdrop *

Card Seller: * looks at Zidane, Dagger, Steiner, Vivi, and Eiko *

Zidane: * to Card Seller * Hey, I know she's cute, but it's rude to stare!

Card Seller: I-I wasn't looking at the young lady. It's just-never mind.

Dagger: This seems familiar…

Zidane: So, are you saying she's not cute enough for you?

Card Seller: No that's not wh-

Zidane: Aha! So you do think she's cute!!

Card Seller: … … Would you like to register in the tournament?

Zidane: Changing the subject now, are we?

Dagger: Yes, we would.

Card Seller: Thank you. You may all enter the stadium.

Eiko: Time to kick some butt!! * runs inside stadium *

Vivi: I-I hope she doesn't mean that literally… * enters stadium *

Steiner: * whining * Trixie, how could you do this to me!? * slumps into stadium *

Zidane: * to Card Seller * I know you think she's cute, so just admit it!

Dagger: * takes Zidane's hand * Come on, Zidane. * to Card Seller * Sorry about that.

* Zidane and Dagger enter stadium * 

Card Game Usher: * blows trumpet * The tournament is now underway!

* The next chapter is up. So, continue reading to find out who is the Tetra Master. *


	2. Who is the winner?

Card Seller: M-Mr

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! I'd like to thank all who voted/commented/suggested ways to write the matches because it was greatly appreciated. *-^ Now, on with the tournament!

Card Seller: M-Mr. Kuja, sir. I'm so glad you could make it.

Kuja: Yes, well, as the judge I'll be able to showcase my entire line of cosmetic products. I call it "Kujalicious". 

Card Seller: I-I'm sure it will be a big hit!

Kuja: You're right. I've already got a weekly show on the Gaian Shopping Network (thanks to a little… persuasion…)

* enters stadium *

* inside stadium *

* a sign is hanging over a table that reads "Sign Up Here". *

Beatrix: (I can't put my real name. What if someone who knows me is here? So,… who's name can I put? Who would never sign up? …I know!)

* writes *

B-R-A-H-N-E.

* enters waiting room *

* * *

* Zorn and Thorn read the sign *

Zorn: "Sign Up Here"?

Thorn: Write our names, we must.

* sign names *

Zorn: Do you have the cards?

Thorn: Yes. And "fixed" they are!

Zorn and thorn: Hee hee hee!

* enter waiting room *

* * *

Stilzkin: I can't believe that Card Seller didn't want one of my "value deals". I even offered to throw in some extra—oh, this must be where I sign up. But, …what is this thing?

* picks up a pen *

…I know! It's a microphone! I guess I'm supposed to—

* takes deep breath *

STILZKIN!! …There, I'm all signed up.

* walks into waiting room *

* * * 

Lowell: * sees "Sign Up" sign * * looks at pen on the desk * Ugh! I can't use _that_! It's full of icky germs. I'll just use this.

* uses his "name stamp" * 

Perfect. As always.

* enters waiting room *

* * *

Lani: * reads sign * "Sign Up Here". Alright, I'm gonna give myself one of those cool nicknames. 

* writes *

"Ax Woman Lani"

There. That ax will be mine! Mwahahaha! …Wait, that sounded like Kuja. Oh well. Mwahahaha!

* enters waiting room *

* * *

Eiko: Yay! Time to sign up!

* runs over to "Sign Up" table *

Vivi: I-I hope this tournament isn't as hard as it sounds. I just learned how to play Tetra Master last week…

Steiner: Don't worry, Master Vivi. I'm positive you'll do well.

Vivi: Th-thanks, Steiner.

Zidane: He thought you were cute, Dagger. I don't know why he wouldn't just admit it!

Dagger: Calm down, Zidane. It's all right.

Eiko: Come on, guys! Hurry and sign up!

* enters waiting room*

Vivi: * sighs * Time to see what I'm made of…

* enters waiting room *

Steiner: I didn't see Trixie's name on the sign up list. I guess she's not here after all! But I did see a woman by the name of "Brahne"… Could it be Her Majesty? )

* enters waiting room *

Dagger: Zidane, are you coming?

Zidane: He thought you were cute, Dagger.

Dagger: … …Zidane, do you know the meaning of the word "obsessive"?

* Zidane and Dagger enter waiting room *

* waiting room *

* Zidane, Dagger, Vivi, Eiko, Steiner, "Brahne", Zorn & Thorn, "Ax Woman Lani", Lowell, and Stilzkin are sitting here, waiting. Let's see their thoughts *

Zorn: (This is our competition? Hah! We will win for sure!)

Thorn: (Oh, no! Princess Garnet, it is! Oh, well. Beat her too, must we.)

Stilzkin: (Wow. Look at all these people who could buy "value deals"!) 

* money signs appear in his eyes *

(I could buy a million Kupo Nuts!)

Lani: (All right, time to get serious. I need that ax and that ax needs me. Hmm, what color of ax would match my outfit?)

Lowell: (These barbarians are my competitors? I hope they know how to behave in front of celebrities like myself!)

Beatrix: (Aaah! Zidane! Princess! Vivi! Eiko! And… Steiner!) 

* pulls hat down to cover front of face, even though she is wearing sunglasses *

(I hope they don't recognize me!)

Zidane: (Hey, it's that cute Lani girl from Maiden Sari. Maybe after the tournament I could-)

Dagger: (Don't even think it, Zidane!)

Zidane: (Dagger!? How'd you get in my thoughts? Hey, we must be telepathic or something!)

Dagger: (I guess… So you better watch what you're thinking!)

Zidane: (Then I guess I can't think at all. Heh heh.)

Vivi: (I wonder what I should choose if I win? No, I shouldn't think about winning. What if I don't win? Oh, well, it wouldn't be that bad…)

Steiner: * looks around * (Good. Trixie is definitely not here. Although… No, the woman in the hat is definitely not her. She would never wear such a moth-eaten thing.)

Eiko: (Why is everyone so quiet? They must be thinking about strategy. I know what my strategy is. It's…) To win!

* everyone looks over at Eiko *

Eiko: * blushes * Oops. Did I say that last part out loud?

* everyone sweatdrops *

* Kuja enters *

Zidane: Kuja!? * goes into battle stance and battle music starts to play * Huh? Where's that coming from? Ahem. Kuja!? What the hell are you doing here!?

Kuja: * Mwahahaha's * 

* everyone stares blankly *

Kuja: Sorry. Force of habit. Zidane, my furry-tailed friend, I am here only to act as judge for this tournament, not for any battles. We can save that for after the tournament…

Zidane: How do we know you're not lying?

Kuja: Honestly, Zidane. Me? Lie? Never! Well, maybe just once… or twice… or, oh, I'm not lying now monkey!

Zidane: Oh. Okay.

Kuja: Now, as the judge, if there are any problems you can ask for my official consent. And, if you want it to be done fairly, you'll buy some of my cosmetic products.

* waves hand and entire line of "Kujalicious" products appears on a tray *

Eiko: * rushes over to tray * Oh, boy! Pink nailpolish! Blue nailpolish! Black nailpolish!

* Beatrix, Lani, and Dagger run over to tray *

Lani: Yellow lipstick! Green lipstick! Purple lipstick!

Kuja: My personal favorite is a fuchsia and mauve combination.

* all girls fuss over products, Kuja looks quite pleased *

Zidane: Girls…

* * *

Kuja: (Heh. Everyone bought something. That turquoise lipstick will look great on Zidane.) The chart on the left shows who you will compete against in your first match.

# Chart #

  1. Zidane vs. "Ax Woman Lani"
  2. Vivi vs. Stilzkin
  3. Steiner vs. "Brahne"
  4. Zorn & Thorn vs. Lowell
  5. Eiko vs. Dagger

Kuja: The matches will begin now. Everyone enter the correctly numbered door.

* everyone enters doors *

* Match 1: Zidane vs. Lani *

Lani: No! I can't believe I lost! And to you, too! No new ax for me…

Zidane: Hey, no hard feelings, huh? So, how about a little… kiss? 

* leans over to kiss Lani *

Lani: No way, loser. * walks away * 

Zidane: * falls on face * Ouch.

* Match 2: Vivi vs. Stilzkin *

Vivi: W-wow! I won.

Stilzkin: Yeah. Great job, kid. Don't you feel sorry for me? 

Vivi: W-well…

Stilzkin: That's just what I thought. So, how about buying a "value deal"?

* Match 3: Steiner vs. Beatrix *

Beatrix: (Yes. I won. I am gong to be the master!)

Steiner: Great job, m'lady. 

Beatrix: * nods *

Steiner: If you don't mind my asking, why haven't you spoken a word?

Beatrix: * opens her mouth, but then closes it * (If I speak, he'll know it's me!)

* a breeze blows Beatrix's hat off. [Don't ask me how a breeze got inside a building. Maybe it was the air conditioner. Or maybe Steiner… Never mind! ^-^] *

Steiner: Tri-trixie!

Beatrix: Ha ha ha ha ha! Don't tell anyone about this! My reputation is at stake!

Steiner: Of course! I understand.

Beatrix: Good. * puts hat back on *

* Match 4: Zorn & Thorn vs. Lowell *

Zorn and Thorn: * dance around wildly * Heh heh heh!

Lowell: Why you filthy clowns! How dare you taunt me! I am Lowell Bridges, the star of Moogle Wa-

Zorn: Oh, shut up you losing loser!

Thorn: Losing loser you are! Lose to us you did!

Lowell: Ugh! I don't have to take this! I told my manager this city was full of rogues like you!

* Match 5: Eiko vs. Dagger *

Eiko: Yay! I won!

Dagger: I guess I need a little more practice…

Eiko: A little? I practically won every one of your cards.

Dagger: All right, a lot more.

Card Seller: * in the shadows * (Damn. The cute one lost.)

* * * 

* * *

* Zorn and Thorn are dancing around *

Thorn: Hee hee hee. Win, we did!

Zorn: Yes. And it was easy!

Card Seller: Excuse me, but I've just been informed that you will both have to compete separately.

Zorn: What? Why?

Card Seller: Well it's only fair to the other players. And if you don't agree to this, you'll be disqualified. (My job is at stake too!)

Zorn and Thorn: Humph.

* * *

Card Game Usher: The second round begins now!

* Round 2: Match 1: Zidane vs. Zorn *

Zidane: Yes! Whoo hoo! I'm in the third round! That prize is gonna be mine!

Zorn: No! How could I lose? Brother, you shall avenge me!

* Round 2: Match 2: Vivi vs. Beatrix *

Beatrix: * shakes her head in disgust * I lost. But I wish you much success, Vivi. * takes off hat *

Vivi: B-beatrix? I… beat you?

Beatrix: At Tetra Master, yes. But in battle, not yet. For now that my Tetra Master career has gone down the drain, I will continue to serve the great nation of Alexandria with the utmost care and consideration.

Vivi: Y-you sort of are beginning to sound a little like Steiner.

Beatrix: … … … You're right…

* Round 2: Match 3: Eiko vs. Thorn *

Eiko: I-I lost… to a clown? And one that talks backwards, too…

Thorn: Hee hee, little girl. Lose to me, you did!

Eiko: * sighs *

Card Seller: Pardon me, um, Mr. Zorn?

Thorn: Thorn it is!

Card Seller: R-right. I'm afraid I have to disqualify you.

Thorn: What? Do you? Why?

Card Seller: We have evidence that you've been using a… loaded deck.

Thorn: Preposterous this is! Cheat, I-

* extra cards fall out of his sleeves *

Card Seller: * picks up one of the cards * Fake. Just as we suspected. Come with me.

Eiko: Wait! Does this mean I won?

Card Seller: … … No.

Eiko: Damn. …Whoops! Did I say that? Hee hee.

* * *

Card Game Usher: Final Round begins now!

* Final Round: Zidane vs. Vivi *

* Zidane and Vivi enter game room *

* waiting room * 

Dagger: They've been in there for hours. What's taking so long?

Steiner: Trixie… lost? I'll never be the same again. Boo hoo hoo!

Eiko: Vivi vs. Zidane? Boy, Vivi doesn't stand a chance.

* * *

Card Game Usher: The final round has come to a conclusion. And the winner is… Vivi!

Dagger, Eiko, Steiner, and Beatrix: Huh?

Vivi: * steps out of game room * * blushes * 

Zidane: * comes out of room, behind Vivi * Hey, good work, Vivi.

Vivi: Th-thanks.

Card Seller: Now, it's time for you to choose your prize, Mr. Vivi.

Vivi: Umm, I think I'd like… a ticket to "I Want To Be Your Canary." I didn't get to see it last time…

Card Seller: A ticket? That's it? A-are you sure?

Vivi: * nods *

Card Seller: W-well it's your decision. Please, follow me.

* * *

* Zidane and Kuja are sitting at a table in one of Treno's bars *

Zidane: Man, losing stinks.

Kuja: Tell me about it. This morning, I lost my hot pink lipstick. I was going to wear it especially for this tournament.

Zidane: * sweatdrop * So anyway, Kuja, why did they say you were a "judge"? You really didn't judge anything.

Kuja: Well, * whispers * between you and me, it was for shameless publicity purposes only. To sell my "Kujalicious" products and make lots of money for charity. 

Zidane: Wow. That's really… nice… of you. I'll buy some more since it's for a good cause.

Kuja: Great. * smiles * (Heh heh. The only "charity" is my wallet.)

* * *

* Zorn and Thorn are sitting by Treno's fountain *

Thorn: Lost, we both did. With "fixed" cards even. Know, how did they?

Zorn: I don't know. What are we going to do?

Thorn: Know, _I_ don't.

Father: * runs towards Zorn and Thorn with the fire extinguisher still in his hands * There they are son!

Boy: * follows Father * Yay!

Father: Prepare to _finally_ be extinguished clowns!

Boy: Yay! Yay!

Zorn and Thorn: Aaaah! * run up towards Treno's Inn *

Father: Come on son. * follows Zorn and Thorn * We will extinguish you filthy clowns!

Boy: Yay!

* So, what'd ya think? Please review. I took the lazy way out of writing the matches. ^-^ Anyway, I have some ideas for new stories, but it probably will take me awhile to get them up with school and all. Be patient. ^-^ *


End file.
